roltrader
10:05 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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Poison the birch !!
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MikeHammer
9:50 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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Like it !!
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stewey
9:08 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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Mike , me you and your brother can do it , we will be tree fellers
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riosleftsock
8:05 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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Using a handsaw, make a cut in the bark all the way round the tree about two feet above ground.
Then make another cut about 6-12 inches above the first cut, all the way round.
Remove the band of bark within the two cuts and enjoy watching the tree die slowly over the next two years or so.
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Fivetide
2:16 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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Don't ffs weaken a tree that size!
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Saul Bollox
2:03 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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Throw a dozen Molotovs at it. That should do the job.
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Alfie
1:57 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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What beautiful avian music they must have made Thomas. Thanks for sharing a vivid memory.
When the time comes for me to take the great leap into the afterwards times, i intend to be piped to the churches sephulcure by a band of drumming robin red breast, their little beaks skittering out drum taps in unison to the beat, the skirl and pomp of the pipes sounding like a cavalcade of duck quack song en masse. En quacks.
Just at the moment my remains are on the cusp of commital to the open wet earth a lone little pipistrelle bat swoops down onto my coffin lid - and sqwauks Vangelis theme to Chariots of Fire.
As i am lowered a chaffinch hops about like its being electrocuted.
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yngwies Cat
1:42 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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There is unrest in the forest
There is trouble with the trees
For the maples want more sunlight
And the oaks ignore their pleas
The trouble with the maples
(And they're quite convinced they're right)
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light
But the oaks can't help their feelings
If they like the way they're made
And they wonder why the maples
Can't be happy in their shade
There is trouble in the forest
And the creatures all have fled
As the maples scream 'Oppression!'
And the oaks just shake their heads
So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights
'The oaks are just too greedy
We will make them give us light'
Now there's no more oak oppression
For they passed a noble law
And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe and saw
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Tomshardware
1:28 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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A bird in hand is worth 2 in the bush. I like a heavily foliaged bush.
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Crassus
1:21 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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Alfie
You are on fire tonight mate - top work and use of 'pendulous tits', with which I have come unstuck myself
Never had any grief with an olive tree mind
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Alfie
1:15 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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I was once slapped viciously unconcious and then urinated on myself - by an olive tree.
Not proud of it but in fairness i'd had codgel loads of sangria. At an upmarket barbecue Ive accused it of goosing me wifes (admittedly pendulous) tits with its oily tendrils.
Before ive known it its just slapped and nutted me spark out with a very ripe weighty branch.
Ive woke up and done a little bit of a piss round the crotch of me Marroon joules shorts and moistened me Havianas.
Luckily not many saw it.
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gph
12:25 Sun Jul 10
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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According to fairly recent documentary, there is a war between trees and grass.
Grass is sneaky.
In Africa, it deliberately dies* above ground and dries out in the, er, dry season. It then catches fire with obvious bad consequences for trees, especially young one (I told grass was sneaky).
Just have a word with your local lawns and see what they come up with.
*Ok, it has evolved to do this
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Any Old Iron
11:28 Sat Jul 9
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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Cut the fucker down with a chainsaw. BUT, you've then got to get rid of the stump, and this is where this septic genius comes in https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7Z7H1KYBdo
Useful if you've got a week or two to spare. Spot the obvious mistake at 4.09.
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Crassus
11:17 Sat Jul 9
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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Mike
Had a similar issue with a eucalyptus that I thought about taking down for a few years then had to, and with it a bigger problem
Have the bugger down and drive copper nails in the stump
One thing, if you do it yourself ask about first, there are two ways of doing it and one is very wrong and will end in tears - that tree is fucking heavy and much bigger down than up, stand on me for that
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Joe C
11:15 Sat Jul 9
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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Get my wife to look after it. Has worked for all other vegetation
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mallard
11:13 Sat Jul 9
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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What breed is it
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Feed Me Chicken
11:13 Sat Jul 9
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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#greenlivesmatter
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Far Cough
11:12 Sat Jul 9
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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ag ag ag ag @Alfie
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BRANDED
11:10 Sat Jul 9
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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My turf war is with mile a minute, nettles and numerous large thistle type weeds. Utter cunts.
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Alfie
11:06 Sat Jul 9
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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I do sympathise with your predicament. Twice in my life i have had trouble with trees or herbaceous hrubs resulting in loss of life. They really can be formidable foes.
In the early 90's i got into a very serious dispute with an Acacia tree. Usual stuff, turf, birds, roots: both thought we was top boys / trees. It came to a head in the long mad summer of 1993. Threats had been put up and neither was backing down. I had a mob of conifers and a weeping willow come down and branch - thrash a few of my lot. Conkers was thrown at me mums windows.
Retaliation was swift when in a rage i flung some squirt about at the local garden centre - severely maiming some hanging baskets and a birch.
Look alls you need to know is im still here and that tree is now a fence and several boxes of matches.
Me other bout of horticulture aggro was with a right cuntish firm of radish & seasonal rhubarb, the infamous 'allotment lot' out of Pitsea.
A lot of people got hurt and some went outers but lets just say a lot of rhubsrb & custard pies was made that year.
Naughty times looking back.
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HairyHammer
11:05 Sat Jul 9
Re: Tips to killing a tree
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There
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